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I’m writing more because I’m trying to do a better job of engaging my emotions, working through my thought life, etc.
The past week or so I spent a lot of time reading through old diary entries. I’ve actually been writing on Diaryland since 2001. My first diary is locked (for good reason) and the second hasn’t been used since roughly 2005.
Reading through old entries dredged up old emotions and old wounds. But most of it was light, laughable, and makes we wonder how I have forgotten so much already. I’m glad I wrote it down.
I wanted to shake the painful stuff from my head. To leave it back in 2001 and not have to think about it anymore. I’ve read through basically everything I own this summer, and kindle unlimited’s selections are crap, so I was looking for a new book to help take my mind off things that happened almost two decades ago (why do they still bother me?)
Instead I ended up reading Elif Batuman’s The Idiot, which was wonderful, but so laughably close to the situation I was trying to avoid thinking about that I have to suppose it was just kismet. Fate wasn’t ready for me to put that experience away quite yet. I needed to look at it through a different lens. Finished the whole book in 24 hours.
Now I am looking for something else to read but I’ll do a better job of vetting my options before I commit to buying something. I don’t need any further reminders, thank you.
4:32 p.m. - 2020-11-21