ophelia skates to brown damask i return here because: i have cheated on you, yes, time and time again. but it's here i return. to safety. to my box. to something so backwards it helps foster this sense of anonymity i so desire. (require). i am out of practice, in so very many ways. i turned off my senses. i turned off everything, in order not to feel pain. in order not to feel so damn much, period. but when you turn one thing off, it all follows suit. and i want to feel again, pain and all. in truth, my stubborn and precise control was more effective than medicine. but also far more damaging. i lost so much. so much time wasted. so much potential, so many thoughts. i am so fucking scared that i can't get back, that i will never be able to get back, that i lost too much, so so fucking much and i am too old and too hard now. would i, as i exist now, be unrecognizable to myself 10 years ago? 11:19 p.m. - 2012-08-02 |
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