non-renewable resources
How do you know when something is worth saying? Because most of the time I wonder if I have anything of value to share. Hasn't everything worth saying already been said?
This sounds more depressing than it actually is. I'm fairly content in my head most days, or at least I hope I'm learning to be. Obviously some days are better than others. But the general vibe I get from everyone else on this planet is that this is the wrong way to human. This never ending imposter syndrome, the way it affects almost every facet of my being, it gets old.
Other people value more variety in their connection. It's always worn me out. Circle tight. Walls up. I guess this is the thing that some see as intimidating, but I'm not trying to push people away so much as protect my soft places.
Maybe that's why my ghosts are so precious to me and so hard to let go of. I put in the work, I let someone in, I shared of myself. Sometimes things imploded. Sometimes they ran their course.
And I wonder how much more of myself I have to give.
Will it run out?
Will it renew?
9:49 p.m. - 2023-07-18