cusp of fifteen
Earlier this week Jo sent me a video she made: four zucchini, fresh from the garden, laid out on a table. "The Killing Moon" by Echo & the Bunnymen plays in the background while the camera rapidly zooms in and out. This is Jo's sense of humor. And mine too, I guess, because it makes me laugh even if I can't define why.
Jo and I are the only two at home tonight. Claire is at work and Cory's band has a show. There is a truly magnificent thunderstorm brewing outside. Jo sits at the couch, drawing, while I sit in the recliner reading. No lights on, just candles and the warm glow of the tv, which we are using to play music.
"The Killing Moon" just happens to comes on. Jo looks up at me, smirks, and says "zucchini".
I love this weird kid so much.
The next song up is "The Bug Collector" by Haley Heynderickx, a song we both love.
"I think this song is the only thing in the world that matters right now," she tells me, only half joking.
Oh, to be fourteen and to feel everything that hard again. But it also kind of seems like I'm still in recovery from feeling that hard when I was younger. Like part of my brain got addicted to those highs and lows, and instead of learning to emotionally regulate, I chose to shut down for the better part of two decades.
I'm not sure what the long term solution to this problem is. Probably therapy. For now I am relearning how to take pleasure in simple things: books, music, thunderstorms, candles. And the company of a funny, hyperbolic fourteen year old.
7:46 p.m. - 2023-06-24