don’t cry, demolition baby

Twelve years ago I was in a hospital bed, hooked to various machines, trying not to die of sepsis. Most of my memories from that month are pretty foggy, like it all happened to another person in another lifetime.

***

Tonight life goes on for most of us. The kids swam with cousins while the adults played games. I finished reading another book. We celebrated my father's 63rd birthday with too much food and drink. I talked books, gardening, and music with my sister; memories and old inside jokes with my brother.

There is a mansion near my parents' home that goes all out for the holiday. The owner, who made a considerable fortune inventing a STEM toy, is about ten years older than me and a classic case of Peter Pan Syndrome. He’s an asshole for various reasons, but top among them is the fact that he fires a cannon multiple times throughout the day on the 4th. Just like that idiot in Garden State. (A movie that has aged very poorly.)

***

Updating so soon out of necessity. Had to bury that last entry. Impossible that the whole thing sometimes feels raw after so long. I mean, there are reasons the wound didn’t heal well, people I had to cut-out to make any progress, and truths I wasn’t fully aware of for another decade, give or take. I don’t make friends easily and I don’t take their loss lightly.

***

There was an earthquake on the fourth of July
Something inside you was shaken by that
Fireworks display over the mountainside
You couldn’t get those swingin’ lights out of your mind

12:51 p.m. - 2023-07-05

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