Meanwhile
Claire we had always regarded as a naturally cautious person, almost since birth. Reticent to try anything without weighing the risk, like me but amplified. In other ways much like her father - sociable, generous, and charismatic.
It wasn't until around age 14 we understood that 'caution' was too mild a description. Claire deals with extreme anxiety, often magnified by intrusive thoughts. So much of our energy had been spent on Jo's issues that Claire chose to silently suffer, not wanting to further burden us. By the time she let us know, it was almost too late to help her.
Jo was in inpatient psychiatric care for ten days in July of '20. He was out for less than 72 hours before Claire was admitted to the same facility. That is a place, both physically and emotionally, that I never want to revisit, and I hate that they both inherited these things from me. It was also during Claire's stay that Cory broke his ankle. I experience a palpable heaviness just thinking about that season of life.
All of this is to explain that, while Claire will be 18 in less than a month, she doesn't have her license yet. I don't want to pressure her, because doing so could cause her to spiral. She's improved quite a bit, but she is on less steady ground than Jo.
She's been working since January, so we must take her and pick her up. She only works about five minutes away, in a small strip mall abutting our suburban neighborhood.
When I drop her off, I do what can only be described as Laura Palmer's 'meanwhile' gesture. The symbolism in Twin Peaks is a fascinating subject*, but all I really mean when I gesture to Claire is: We have arrived at your place of employment. We both love Twin Peaks references, and I love you. Plus I’m all for embarrassing her (and myself?) with repetitive, dumb in-jokes.
When she is ready to be picked up she texts her father and me: (Code) Come on down to party town**. She has not deviated from this for months.
Trivial as these things may be, I write them down so that I do not forget them.
*This gesture is very similar to the sign language for tree, which is itself significant, but I also love the following explanation:
She is Buddha and Christ, but also Shiva. The deep duality of the character, the reaching towards transcendence (right), and the earthly relational horizontal (left) (also the basis for the symbol of the crucifix), is depicted. This lies on top of the idea of the flower blooming from the base earth and reaching skyward, and all the tree metaphors (atom bomb, neuron, vast network, and garden of Eden) that are congruous with man’s development into consciousness. The women in the Room of Dale’s trial are objectified (which is part and parcel of why he fails) statues, but she shows him an object (by freezing) that is reaching towards subjectivity.
**To Claire's great disappointment, she does not work at 'party town', but at a fast-casual chain that serves salads and sandwiches.
11:33 a.m. - 2023-08-16