maybe this could be it
Today I woke up feeling better than I have in a long time.
I'm not pain free. No, I literally can't remember what that even feels like. But I feel better this morning than I have in several months.
I'm thankful, because the two nights prior were so tough that I ended up in tears.
Stupid, mutinous body.
Stupid, elusive sleep.
So now we're driving back to Texas. It's a beautiful morning, and the husband and I are doing our thing. The bits and dumb jokes. We show each other songs, but our tastes don't always mesh. If he tells me I will love a song, I can almost always guarantee that I won't. It makes him that much more excited when he gets it right.
And I don't know what the rest of the day holds. By the time we get home I could be doubled over in pain, though I truly hope not.
But either way I'm thankful for this morning.
****
Saturday night, while everyone else was outside at a bonfire, my brother-in-law, Andy, informed me that he will ‘take a knife for me’. I tried to assure him I don’t think that it this ever going to be an issue, but he was very insistent. So I just nodded in agreement, because what else can you do?
This is his move - getting very stoned, or sometimes very drunk - and then getting very sentimental. Inevitably the sentimentality takes a turn into weirdly overprotective territory, and eventually I'm listening to how Andy would happily stab, or be stabbed, on my behalf.
My husband is the oldest of five boys, Andy the youngest, and there are ten years between. They've always had a special bond. And I love Andy dearly. I love his late night phone calls, I love his total lack of care for social niceties, and I love how he loves his people, even if he could use to dial back the intensity.
****
It was a good trip. Maybe just what I needed to clear my head.
11:37 a.m. - 2023-09-18