19 years
In another year, 20?
What words could I possibly summon to explain such a thing? The closest I can get is to double down on the sentiment I shared a few months ago - we are a mycorrhizal network, or a stand of aspens. Irrevocably linked.
It isn’t all good, nor is it all bad. Some parts have seemed impossibly hard. Some have been as easy as breathing. Either way, we have grown into one another to the point it feels like we are the same system. His hurt is my hurt; his joy is my joy.
Unfortunately, the past month has been tough - whether that’s a good or bad thing remains to be seen. In some ways, I’ve never felt more at ease, in others I feel very much in limbo - like whatever comes next will be a turning point.
When do the growing pains stop? Never? I suppose that’s the right answer. Otherwise, we’ve become stagnant, which is a very dangerous place to be. So much is unknown, but I do know this: I am tired of making myself small for other people. I’m ready to grow and change. Optimistic that he’ll be along for the ride, but realizing no amount of worry on my part will change the outcome.
Anyhow, the MIL sent a ‘happy anniversary’ text, followed by a picture of a herd of reindeer. Neither of us could discern why, so we laughed.
Maybe that’s why we've worked this long. Even in the midst of the hard, there is always laughter.
10:37 a.m. - 2024-01-15