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I just can’t with Dostoyevsky today. It’s a lecture when I need something that moves me deeply within.

***

I listened to Of Joy and Sorrow today for the first time in maybe ten years. Still trying to figure out why it was gifted to me. Simple kindness? A peace offering? A message? Insight?

Now I keep listening to Mitski’s “Best American Girl” and Phoebe Bridger’s “Kyoto” on repeat.

***

Yesterday wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I was exhausted enough at the end of the day to actually sleep well for the first time in a week.

The pain is bad today and I am restless. I want to be anywhere but sitting here in my chair, hurting, unable to escape my own thoughts.

Sometimes I feel like I’m having an emotional affair with the past.

4:26 p.m. - 2020-11-27

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